No fear, no failure

It’s fascinating how some words are so emotionally charged. There are words that, when we hear them, instinctively and immediately provoke a negative response. Failure is one of those words. No-one wants to fail. Our whole society, and in particular our education system, is built on success and achievement. Winners pass and losers fail. It can set the tone for a lifetime.

Yet what if failure had absolutely no negative connotations at all? What if we were actively encouraged to fail? That is exactly what happened when Sara Blakely was growing up. Her father wanted her to fail, the more often it happened the better. Over dinner, the family would share their failures and, importantly, the knowledge they had gained as a result.

What a stroke of genius. Not only had her father stripped away any negativity associated with failure and given Sara the strength to move beyond adversity, he had also opened up a wealth of opportunities. Seeing failure as something to embrace gave her the freedom to tap into her limitless potential without fear of what might happen.

Years later, Sara was getting ready for a party when she realised she didn’t have the right underwear to give her the smooth line she was after. Her solution: she cut off the legs of her tights. Knowing she had hit on a great idea that lots of other women would love and, free of the burden of possible failure, Sara pursued the idea relentlessly. Spanx, now a multi-billion dollar company, was born.

Look at little closer, and behind every great success lies a series of failures. James Dyson had 5,126 failed prototypes before he hit on the one that changed his life. Albert Einstein did not speak until he was four or read until he was seven. There was even concern he could be mentally handicapped. JK Rowling’s Harry Potter was rejected a multitude of times until she struck lucky with one publisher. In this graduation speech (from around 7 minutes onwards), Denzel Washington shares his own rather humorous experiences on the subject.

All of these amazing achievements would never have happened without the ability to push through fear and overcome hardship. Lucie, one of the Me Spot ladies, knows more about that than most. Having had a stroke at the age of only 41 that left her with limited use of her left side, Lucie has rebuilt her life, pushing forward fearlessly, and refusing to accept failure as an option.  I am grateful to Lucie for answering my questions so honestly, and for allowing me to share her story. I hope you will be as inspired as I am.

Lucie’s story

Could you give a brief summary of what happened and the impact it had?

I had a stroke in September 2006, three weeks after the birth of my second son. There was no medical reason for this. Doctors could never really explain other than I had given birth (with no drugs) and the force of pushing could have damaged my carotid artery, which in turn formed a clot that made its way to my brain.

I spent three months in hospital/rehab learning to walk again. By the time, I came out I could walk about 20 metres with the aid of a walking stick. I could not look after my children and I needed a carer to watch over me as it was deemed dangerous for me to wash, dress, cook or do anything on my own.

How did you go about coming to terms with what had happened?

Those first few months were the hardest as the hospital is no longer responsible for your recovery. You’re on your own to try out whatever works. I went from acupuncture, cranial osteopathy, massage, yoga, personal training, Reiki, Shiatsu to endless hours of physiotherapy. I think that no one treatment worked best but it was a combination of all of them, together with my tireless belief that I would get better, that has got me to where I am today.

Being resourceful and resilient got me through. I always find an alternative way of doing things if something has to get done. I know my limits and I am not shy to say I can’t do something when I really can’t, but will always give it a go in different way.

How do you see things today? Have you changed as a person? 

I am much more forgiving of people’s shortcomings as you never know if there is some underlying, non-visible issue. I try not to compare myself to the old me.

What do you consider the most important lessons learnt along the way?

Believing that you can do something, or at least trying, allows you to get halfway way there. My biggest achievements were going skiing again, doing a standard yoga class with people not affected by disability, cycling 30 miles and of course, Nordic walking.

Doing anything with ‘normal’ people is a massive achievement for me. I took the tube for the first time in nearly 16 years on my own recently which was huge but difficult to explain to someone who not been challenged by a life changing event.

Ride London 30 last weekend was your latest challenge. It’s wonderful to see you continuing to push boundaries. What motivates you to do that?

When I start something, I always commit. I started history of art and Italian classes a few years ago and continue to attend. If someone takes the time to prepare something for you, I believe you should have the courtesy to attend. I never let people down and am very reliable.

Ride London was a bit like that. I was asked to participate probably at the end of last year and just went with it without really knowing what was involved. After realising that there would be 25,000 able-bodied cyclists, it never crossed my mind to pull out!

How did you feel before the race?

I thought that I was well prepared having cycled several 20 mile rides. I got quite emotional at the start as you have to quickly join all the fast cyclists from a side entrance and then you go through the start line. Your chip records your start time and there is no return from that point. I could not believe I was actually doing this.

What did crossing the finish line signify for you?

It’s an endurance event and not a race. I had no clue what time it was or how long I had taken but this did not matter – I had reached the finish line with all these people. I was confused as I was finishing at the same time as all the 100 milers. Where were all the 30 milers? Was I considerable faster or slower?  None of that mattered. I overcame the odds. I had made it.

Do you have a motto?

Focus on what you can do and do not dwell on what you can’t do. Failure is not an option.

“There’s only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.’ Paulo Coelho

 

We all have potential far and beyond what we can ever conceive. The way to unlock that potential is not to be afraid to try. Don’t brush your dreams aside, grab them by the short and curlies and get after them with all your might. It is never too late.